I always wanted an advice column

So I decided to have one! Complete with guest posters.

Send yer questions to occipitalhazard at gmail dot com.

Because I totally give the best advice. Bossy Cow. Listen to me! I’ll tell you what to do. Blah, blah blah.

Today’s question isn’t one that anyone asked me. It’s just one that is perennially asked of advice columnists.

Dear Seer,

How do I know if my husband is having an affair?

Sincerely yours,

Desperate Straits


Dear Desperate,

Hans_Rudi_Erdt_-Problem_Cigarettes,_1912Did you ask him? Maybe he wants to get out of the relationship. Maybe, like Captain Picard, he wants to stop the charade, Number One. That’s the first thing I would do. Confrontation. You can have someone else there, if you need to. Evidence–hotel room receipts, panties that ain’t yours, cell phone bills with weird numbers with hour long calls on them–helps.

If you’ve tried that, you could hire a private detective, if you want to go that far. If you can’t afford that, there’s always Maury or “Cheaters.” Give the world its share of dramz! We want plot!

But first, I would ask you why you want to know. Are you trying to save the relationship? If so, maybe you need to get your asses both into counseling. I mean, do you really want to find out that information on your own, with no support, or do you want to find out in a structured environment, mediated by a trained, neutral professional?

If you’re trying to get divorced, you can just leave, you know. Yes, it may help you to “get yours” if he’s having an affair. But if he is, he’ll probably give you pretty fair terms, anyways.

your pal

Seer

(How’d I do? Eh? Send me your questions. The crazier, the better.)

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3 comments

  1. Becca

    Before I read this blog I felt confused, sick, covered in lice, and rat poop, but after I read this blog I just felt the rat poop.

    • Seer McRicketts-McGee

      If you really loved me, you would a) drop the restraining order, b) grow the mustache, and c) take it up the boom-boom. Since I don’t see a lot of progress in any of these three areas, I don’t think you love me. I don’t think you love me at all.

      I love you, and I can’t do anything with that,

      Seer McRicketts-McGee
      >.<

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