I always wish I could turn off people’s headlights for them. Not their erect nipples. (That’s none of my concern.) I mean their literal headlights in their cars when they leave their shit on and walk away. It always makes me sad to see that shit.
I now always carry extra Fix-a-Flat in case I see someone with a flat tire. Someone left my Moms a can once. She had a flat in a parking lot and found a note that there was a can by her back tire on the inside. That shit was tight. I haven’t been able to return the favor yet.
Little kindnesses. I tapped a bumper with my own today, and was immediately forgiven. Kind. Another great minor superpower: erasing fender-benders.
Or reversing overcooked food. Unspoiling milk. Flushing all unflushed toilets from ten feet away.
I guess I would just make the would courteous and civilized, one person at a time.
Or I would totally settle for making pie out of thin air. Fuck all that other shit. Mmm, pie.