Minor superheroes

If you could have a minor superpower, what would it be?

I always wish I could turn off people’s headlights for them. Not their erect nipples. (That’s none of my concern.) I mean their literal headlights in their cars when they leave their shit on and walk away. It always makes me sad to see that shit.

I now always carry extra Fix-a-Flat in case I see someone with a flat tire. Someone left my Moms a can once. She had a flat in a parking lot and found a note that there was a can by her back tire on the inside. That shit was tight. I haven’t been able to return the favor yet.

Little kindnesses. I tapped a bumper with my own today, and was immediately forgiven. Kind. Another great minor superpower: erasing fender-benders.

Or reversing overcooked food. Unspoiling milk. Flushing all unflushed toilets from ten feet away.

I guess I would just make the would courteous and civilized, one person at a time.

Or I would totally settle for making pie out of thin air. Fuck all that other shit. Mmm, pie.

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One comment

  1. The Sensible Seamstress

    “I guess I would just make the would courteous and civilized, one person at a time.”

    Along the lines of Morgan Spurlock’s “30 Days,” I would have the ability to wiggle my nose like Samantha on Bewitched and cause anyone who is critical and judgmental of someone else to walk a mile in their shoes, so to speak. And yes, I’m including myself when I’m critical because I need to be cured, too.

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