On mercy

Kay Nielsen I Am the Virgin Mary

Kay Nielsen plate from "East of the Sun and West of the Moon." You should see the plates in this book. Incredible, he was incredible.

Mercy is suspending my right to be offended.

–some guy I know

Really, that’s some guy I know. I asked him about grace and mercy and that’s what he told me about mercy. I can’t remember what he said about grace. He’s a pretty evolved being in a lot of ways. That’s why things like this pop out his mouth.

It’s a time of year for me when I reflect. A couple of my relationships have changed greatly without my permission this year. There are two people who think I’m full of shit who I miss greatly. One is sort of tangential in my life. She says she’ll call more and doesn’t. One is ghost. Absolutely no contact whatever. It’s sometimes easier with one, and sometimes easier with the other. Clear boundaries let me know where I stand, but I can nurse false hope with squishy ones.

I want to tell these people how to treat me. They should show me more mercy.

These are exactly the people I need to show more mercy in my life if I’m ever going to get over these resentments.

Resentment: sending the same painful situation to oneself over and over again. Ruminating. One of my favorite words, coming from the cow’s stomach, the rumen, where the cud is stored. Ruminant animals chew their food, swallow it, vomit it up and chew it again. I do this with these two people. The situations I’m twisted over were done with in wintertime. It’s May now. Chew ’em, swallow ’em, vomit ’em up. Repeat. Repeat for months.

I need to suspend my right to be offended by their acts. Who gives a good golly if they did me wrong? Who cares who’s right? What does that have to do with the price of beans? It won’t help me deal with the ends of the situation to be twisted, now will it? No. Nine times out of ten, what it is I’m waiting for from people is what I need to be bringing in my relationships. Even in the ones where I’m the only one bringing anything.

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2 comments

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention On mercy | Occipital Hazard -- Topsy.com
  2. subWOW

    “I need to suspend my right to be offended by their acts. ” I need to take back that right too. And rumination. Thank you for the word. That describes exactly what I do often. btw, one of my favorite quotes goes something like this “Holding a grudge is like taking the poison and hoping the other person would die.” I make that mistake often so this quote makes me laugh, with some sadness thrown in.

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