Mailbag! Or should I say, time to take the recycling out

Let’s look in the junk pile and do some alchemy! Let’s turn crap into gold. Yes, another installment of my pathetic attempt to pretend I get mail from my spam and such. Let’s dig in.

Dear Occipital Hazard,

How much should I weigh?

-Spambot

582 pounds for your height.

Why are medicine men patronized?

-Desperately Seeking Information

Patronized as in condescended to, or patronized as in paid money for services rendered? The former I would think has to do with our institutionalized system of Western medicine in our culture. We tend to think, in America at least, that one kind of doctor has the answer for medical problems, and other systems–Ayurveda, acupuncture, herbs, osteopathy–don’t, even when they sometimes have proven results. Did you know aspirin was originally from the willow tree? Herbs at work, for you!

The latter would be due to them perhaps promising cures for what ails you, I suppose. Whether they do so or not is really between you and your medicine man. Some may be good, I don’t know. Some may be snake oil salesmen. I don’t know what you need. I don’t know your life.

What is the worst way to die?

-Google Analytics

Huh. I had a friend recently die after a fight with burning to death (he died twice); that was pretty horrific. But in the movie Single White Female a man is stabbed to death in the eye with a stiletto heel. That seems pretty bad. He dies pretty quickly though. There was also Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan with those horrible things they put in Chekov’s and that other guy’s ears that will eat their brains. I had to leave the room during that part. I have always, always had a fear about earwigs getting in my ears and not coming out. Pictures of inner ears and the cochlea freak me out because of parasitic infections. You think they aren’t creepy? Check out the picture up top. Squicked out yet? EARWIGS. How about now? See the little hairs? Earwigs, with the pincers on their asses. Laying eggs in your ears.

So you have a choice between those three ways as the worst: burn to death and fight coma for six weeks, stabbed in the eye with a shoe and see it coming, or slowly feel your brains being munched out by a space bug. All are terrible. And those are the worst ways to die. THE END.

I am abusive.

-Google Analytics

Yes. After what you just did to me, I know you’re fucking abusive. Why are you hitting my blog, you asshole?

‘t Ain’t Funny McGee

-Google Analytics

Jeez, sorry.

And, finally:

What is the structure of orthocyclin?

Anonymous Web Searcher, No Doubt Disappointed to Find OccipitalHazard.Wordpress.com

First, I think you should search for “ortho cyclen,” or “ortho tri-cyclen” to get better results. I’m not judging, just saying.

Orthocyclen is a name brand for norgestimate. It’s birth control. Find out more about birth control in general here. Click on the picture for information about the drug.

OrthoTriCyclen

OrthoCyclen Structure. Click for more info

Well, there you go. Trash, taken out. I feel better. Don’t you? No? Go eat some candy. Sorry about the ears. But some freak on Google searched for that and I came up, so there you go.

Feel free to send your requests for advice and your questions in general to advice.occipitalhazard@gmail.com. I might answer some shit. I get bored.

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