At least I’m taking an interest in my appearance

happy feet

I have happy feet again.

Despite the shit my mood took on me the other day, I at least seem to be continuing to take a heightened interest in my grooming habits. I got a pedicure today. Thank Zeus. My feet were looking mighty rough. I had a chipped big toenail on the right foot, and a snagged one on the left. Gross. Plus I went in there with hairy legs, like a cavelady.

Tomorrow I’m going to go get the hair ripped out of my body by the roots. Waxing from the pits down (I don’t get my arms or feet or face done; I’m not that hairy–yet), threading on my eyebrows. I told Purse Maven I’d be hairless like a dolphin. She said, “More like a tuna.” I think dolphin is more accurate. I always have some errant hairs raising their good-for-nothing, stubby little heads the next day or day after that, even after a thorough waxing.

If you’ve never had one–a wax, I mean–before, they don’t hurt that much. There’s a couple of places on your body that aren’t pleasant at all, but it’s not like you’ll shit the table. I’ve only heard of that happening once. A friend of mine had a waxer who said she had a very tense lady who let out a tiny poop while she was getting waxed once. And that lady became a regular customer! I’d never, ever go down the same street again. I guess after you share a shit with someone, you can share anything.

How many women get waxed? Who knows? I always ask my gynecologists how many ladies do downstairs grooming, since they’re the ones looking at so many vajayjays daily. The consensus is that most women do “something,” but every doctor has to think about it. It’s a weird question, apparently. Ladies, do me a solid and ask your doctors next time they look under the hood. Let’s get more opinions than just Seer’s doctors. I haven’t asked my current doctor. Who happens to be the Best Ob/Gyn ever. You doubt me? He dressed up as a douchebag one year for Halloween. Best Ob/Gyn ever.

This is a new place to me, but it comes recommended by a friend–different from the poop-on-the-table-place friend. I hope I like it. The price is high, so it better be good. I need to start waxing my own pits again. I have an epilator, but they don’t make ’em like they used to. It doesn’t get the hair like it should. I think I’ll pick up some wax from the parlor and break out the ol’ pot and start having waxing parties again. By myself. No one ever wanted me to wax them. No, two people let me do their pits. But it’s fun. You get to pull out all the hairs and see the little roots and fat sacs sticking out of the hot strip of wax and you feel so clean. For those of us who have a picking thing, waxing is a lot of fun. I always wanted to wax a man’s back, and no man was ever willing to let me. Such a pity. We would have had a blast. Not that I want that as a job. I’ve heard stories. That is not my calling.


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