How little it can take for me to change my perspective!
I started the day with some dharma talk from Lama Marut. I was too late to comfortably make it to yoga, so I practiced at home. And when I practice at home, I listen to podcasts of Lama Marut. It keeps me in some sort of disciplined practice. That way, I’ll practice for forty minutes at home at least. Otherwise, it’s two or three Sun Salutations and I want to hang my mat up. Today I listened to him talk about forgiveness and living in the present.
So I tried to live in the present today as if my life depended on it. You know what? I’m shitty at it. I live in the future. I live in a future that depends on a whole lot of particulars, and if these particulars don’t occur, I will be miserable. It’s like falling dominoes, my future world. All events must be perfectly aligned or Seer won’t get what she needs to be happy.
Then I let it go. I let it go and did something else. I ate something. I took a shower. I read something. Someone asked me to be somewhere tonight. I watched some Jersey Shore (you knew I was tacky when you married me; don’t go expecting me to change now). All the while I kept going to the future and I kept letting it go. I went out. I met a boy I’d never met before, a cute one, and I don’t know if he’s single or not. And in my mind we got involved and shit. And then I let it go.
And because I kept letting the future go instead of really sinking my teeth into it, I had a good day. I didn’t get caught on it. If only I could do this every day! Well, practice makes progress.