I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
I get in such a state about things not working out. I worry and I worry as if worrying is really an action. It’s like praying for the things you don’t want. It’s a fantasy in reverse. Most of the bad shit I think about never, ever happens.
That’s how it was today. I have been living in suspense of something to happen. (I’m not going to tell you specifics. Ooh, mystery deepens!) But it worked out in my favor. So far, at least. And so now I’m okay. I’m not going to be destroyed. I can live with this outcome.
I honestly kind of don’t know what to do with myself in this reality–in the good one, where I remain free. I have lived with this uncertainty for over a year now, with not knowing how this will work out. And now that I know, there’s a lot of brain space that isn’t dedicated to Tripping On This Issue anymore. What it will do remains to be seen. Probably find something new to trip on. That’s what it usually does. That or inexplicably store information about the New Jersey Housewives. Even though I don’t watch that show. Go ahead and ask me shit about them, I know way too much.