Skelly had an enemy for years–“Black Newman,” her mailman. He was the worst mailman in the world. He would manage to crunch up a single letter by sticking it in the mailbox the wrong way. He would misdeliver wedding invitations that should have gone to the building next door–friendships are ruined over such things. He refused to accept Christmas presents left in the box for him (they were not addressed to “Black Newman”). Her hackles were raised when she saw him. It was a satisfying relationship, hating Black Newman. Then he was gone. Retired, perhaps. Now there’s a lull in her life. She needs a new nemesis.
I have been trying to put Office Bitch in this place in my own life. See, there’s something about having one person to focus attention on, whether it’s negative or positive. Being in hate with someone is kind of nice. You get excited to see them. You pay a lot of mind to their every move. You have so much to talk about later to people, especially if they also hate your enemy.
But Office Bitch isn’t quite interesting enough. I need someone with more character.
Most of the people in my life are either too nice or too easily vanquished. I’m told I’m intimidating. I don’t see it myself, but that’s what They tell me. I don’t get challenged by foes all that often. I think it’s the eyebrow calisthenics. I can raise each independently, and that silences people.
I may pick the lady with Bozo-red hair at the head doctor’s office. She’s a piece of work. Or my landlord. He’s been an asshole lately. Yes, the Austro-Hungarian Emperor will do nicely. Dirty feudal lord. And I, but a fief on this land.
Do you have a nemesis? Inquiring minds want to know. I’ll help you exact your revenge, fah cheesy. You can count on ol’ Seer here. I’m really good at farting when around people I don’t like. I have excellent root lock control. All that yoga I do pays off.