It’s only money. (Right?)

Gryphon and the Mock Turtle

Once, I was a real turtle, and I had some savings.

I am currently sobbing my head off and bawling my eyes out. Loudly, like Bambi’s mom just got capped.

What’s the use of health insurance if I get a bill for $1680, fair and square, when I’ve been in the hospital for four days? I am so angry. The hospital wouldn’t let me go! I felt fine, and they wouldn’t let me go. They kept me on and on and on, costing me more and more money out of my own threadbare, holey pocket. Fuckers.

I’m really mad at my doctor again, too. She made a call from her office, but she either didn’t ask the right question, or she lied to me. I said I would only go if I were completely covered, and she said I would be. This was not so.

I know what I’ll be told. “But you got the help there you needed.”

But they didn’t do anything there to me! They just took me off my pills! Which I could have done myself! Other than that, they mocked me, threatened me, tried to put me on the wrong medication, kept trying to give me the wrong doses, put me with unsafe people, and generally made me miserable. They couldn’t understand why my blood pressure was so abnormally high, and why I was crying. Because I am in the mental hospital, you fucks. Because I am in prison.

And now I have to pay for it? Jesus. I am already on a money diet. See, I was on disability for 17 days, and you only get 2/3 of your income. I didn’t see this money until about a week ago. (Well, I know where this is going now, I guess. Fuck.) Plus I was sick a lot in December, and there were holidays, so I didn’t get paid a lot.

I’m never, ever going to be able to move.

I need to calm down. It’s really okay. It’s really, really okay.

It’s only money. It’s only money. It’s only money.

But it’s a lot of fucking money, man. It’s a lot fucking money.



  1. subWOW

    I am very sorry to hear this. Have you tried to call the medical office and see whether they could take some of the items off? I once read about a lady who went through her medical bills with a fine tooth comb after she requested for itemized bills, and she argued against ridiculous charges such as $4 for cotton balls. If I find that article, I will send it to you. Probably not going to help. I just want to send you my moral support.

    • Seer McRicketts-McGee

      Well, I sent a slightly antagonistic, slightly passive-aggressive, slightly frantic, slightly blaming, slightly regretful, slightly “FYI, now I owe $1680”–well, very “FYI, now I owe $1680,” email to my doctor, and she was sympathetic. I might be able to qualify for medical assistance from my HMO. I don’t know if I will or not, but I’m going to try. What’s the harm? There probably is some somewhere that I don’t know about.

      I’m just pissed that even with all my coverage, I get charged daily rates for being in the hospital. If I had known, I wouldn’t have gone if they couldn’t have sent me to my plan’s hospital. They sent me out-of-network. These are the things you aren’t thinking about when you’re having suicidal ideations in your doctor’s office and you just think the problem is the medication you’re on.

      I just want this nightmare to be over. The hospital has been the main source of stress in my life since November. Well, that and gratitude, since I’ve been out. And then I get all angry again because of how bad I feel I did/am getting fucked.

      Sigh. It’s only money.

      • subWOW

        I am glad you sent that letter. And your doctor may deserve some nice thoughts from us IF you do get some assistance. Yes out-of-network sometimes makes a lot of difference esp. if it is 20% out of pocket on some ridiculous high fees! I once was charged 20% on some stupid blood tests which still cost me $500. And those blood tests were not necessary. Just as a precaution, so my doctor wouldn’t get sued?! GOOD LUCK!!!!!

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