Did I ever tell you…?

I have an obsession with ugly animals. Yes, the naked mole-rat is my totem. But I have several ugly animals I love. Ugly Overload is always worth a visit. You shall love it or be terrified and repulsed.

The velvet worm is a particular favorite. ‘Tis an ancient beast, this. More than half a million years old. Are you not sure how long ago that really is? Look at it! Look at it and tell me that’s not an old ass thing.


Those are his little legs! He walks on them! One species, the man-worm carries his spunk in his head and when they have sex, he puts his head in the lady-worm’s snatch. Crazy! Another species, the man-worm puts his packet of sperm on the surface of the lady-worm, and she self-digests the part of her skin it is touching, and the sperm packet is taken into her body right there. Weird, huh? And some of them live in little communities with social orders! Hunting together, living together! They are fucking insane. I mean, they’re equivalent to centipedes and they have hierarchical matriarchal social groups in rotting logs. Learn more about velvet worms and love them.

Come on, let’s watch them hunt in a way that’s unique to their phylum, and awesome and nasty and terrifying! Yes, I said phylum. Remember? King Philip Came Over For Good Sex: Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species. We’re in the Kingdom Animalia–that’s where our similarity on the tree of life with the velvet worm starts to branch (I said “our” because I am assuming everyone who reads this blog is a human being, or at least in the Kingdom Animalia, but I don’t mean to discriminate against those who are not. All are welcome). They’re in a phylum of their own! Awesome.


I want one. I would name him Goldmine.


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