I got rid of a lot of stuff this weekend. You know what it felt like, watching my perfectly good yarn get into a car and drive away, and my brown tank tops get into garbage bags to be given to the Salvation Army, and my sofa bed hauled down the stairs to be sold into upholstered slavery? It felt like a bout of diarrhea that makes you cramp up and shiver. I feel better, but damn, that was a traumatic experience. Actually, shedding my hoarded goods was very, very close to taking a painful, hellish shit, the kind that burns like fire and smells like brimstone. I’m having the same mixed feelings, three days later.
- Did all that really come out of one small place?
- All that really came out of one small place.
- How did it all get in there?
- I’m never doing this to myself again.
- Could that happen again?
- If I’m not careful that could happen again.
- It smells funny in here.
- I should really clean this place up before anyone comes in here. I don’t want anyone to have to see this.
- How much weight did I lose?
- I’m a little ashamed of myself.
- Is this normal? Which of my friends can I ask to see if this happens to them, too?
- Maybe I have a disease that caused this. Should I search the internet? No, that’ll make it worse in my head.
- I feel 51% better.
- I’m scared.
- I get to start over.
- I can fill up this space with all sorts of stuff now.
- Am I still attractive?
- Maybe I’m more attractive.
- I can do anything!
- I’m in some pain now, actually.
- I feel like crying.
- I feel like laughing.
- I feel sleepy.
- Who am I now?
- What is the meaning of life?
- Wait: did I just lose my soul?
So–is this normal? Does this happen to you when you give away your stuff? Cause I already feel a lot of regret about it. I want some of those things I never used back! I mean, I’ve come to accept that this happens to me when I have the trots (you know you can’t run when you’ve got mudbutt. You have to clench and trot), so this is my reality, even if it isn’t normal or healthy. But I’ve never shed all my stuff before.
So: normal? Yea or nay?
(No, the Beastie Boys did not create the following hook. Yes, it is continuing an immature line of thinking. Sorry it’s not embeddable, but it’s Sly and the Family Stone! This is worth the second to visit YouTube today.)
Sly and the Family Stone — “Loose Booty”