You afraid of bees? I know someone who once got in a car accident because her sister said she thought there might be a bee in the car. The other day a termite flew in my classroom of ten grad students plus one teacher and one man squealed, one person tightened her hoodie around her head, one person chased it around the room flustered, one person frenetically tried to get it off of him (we don’t know if it was even on him), one person was paranoid that he may have had it on him, several people sat stoically, and I mechanically smashed that shit with my notebook.
I am a Certified Bug Wrangler.® That is, when I’m not covered in imaginary ones from the disorder. Then you’re on your own!
Now let’s watch some clips about bees!
Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)
You had me at sexual epidemic. These bee-girls will love you to death! The whole thing is available for free on Archive.org (you can even download this lukewarm mess) and YouTube, if you got time to kill and like boobies in lo-fi.
Millions of Bees!
Bonus footage of Michael Caine, who also can’t seem to believe he’s in The Swarm.
Conan reveals Oprah’s evil.
Doesn’t she look proud of herself.
Not the bees!
Oh yes, the bees, please!
I don’t really know this show. Everyone says it was the best show ever. I think this was the best show ever. I guess I’m wrong.
Beekeepers! Covered in bees!
No, it’s not the best Eddie Izzard bit, but I always remember it.
Ax Men: Bees!
Yes, it’s funny to watch people being exploited. I especially love the man with few teeth.
Bees on your porch!
(Is it still funny to watch people being exploited?) I especially love everyone in this clip.
In Search Of… Killer Bees
Dig that 1970’s futuristic musak.
Cute nerd making an apiary.
This makes me think of being sick when I was little and watching public television during the day. He is kinda hot, though. Oh, do you want to be eusocial with me, Sir? I got some honey here in my hive. Come and get it.
Am I weird because I watched this whole thing entranced? Okay: I watched it twice. Now am I weird?
Friendly space bees!
Like you don’t love She-Ra, Princess of Power! My brother, Judge, used to make me watch She-Ra until he found the little dude with the big ears hiding in the background. Then he would let me turn the channel. I find her appealing somehow now, but Jem was really more my cup of tea at the time.
Well, I hope I have wasted enough of your time. I’ve certainly wasted plenty of mine.